On a family holiday with my two best friends. Plan: Sand-niggers serve us drinks. 24/7 vodka and beer. Swimming in pool, laying on beach. Eating all the time. Playing cards with pals.
This is the life! We jump into the pool and laugh our asses off. The lifeguard blows his whistle and yells something. Vlad replies that he should talk Russian, we cannot understand. Alex stumbles and his sperm-colored gay drink falls into the pool. We laugh when the nigger shakes his head and sneaks away.
We play around like small kids and don’t care how the western tourists look at us. They cannot understand that we are free spirits. Soon Nadja comes and says she wants some quality time with family. I leave the boys in the kids’ pool and go with her and our son to the beach. Some Kazakh loser pulls his beer-belly in when he notices Nadja. Everybody notices my wife. Nadja is a Woman. Her legs reach me, a medium-length guy, almost to my nipples. Even her beach sandals have ten centimeter heels. After she had finished breast-feeding Viktor, I bought her new tits. Her body had gone a little out of shape but new tits and liposuction extended her best-before-date at least by ten years. They call it the Mom Job.
And what kind of tits they are? The best titties in the whole wide world! Every guy and also most women stare at them when we march to the beach. She has covered them with a tiny bikini that shows almost everything but at the same time stresses her tits’ gravity-defining massiveness. I am about to say to the beach-nigger on duty to stop drooling but I let it be. I guess he needs to see something really awesome once in his miserable life. And it is me who gets to put my dick between those jugs! Up yours, poor people!
Speaking of the poor, there are too many of them here. Outside the airport there were many kinds of hustlers and beggars. And we could see how shitty and undeveloped everything in this country is here when we took the limo to the hotel. Every fucking building is unfinished. Top of every building looked like it was started five years ago but left unfinished right away. Vlad said that it has something to do with taxes, so I guess these sand-niggers know what they are doing. Luckily the hotel area is clean, unlike the immediate outside. Nothing but filth and fucking Sahara around us. I don’t want to go anywhere during the whole week but Vlad said that he wants to go to a safari and drive a quad bike over a camel. Let’s see if he will be sober enough to remember the whole thing. I doubt.
We put our beach towels to the sunny side. All the western losers hide in the shadows but everybody speaking our mother language are enjoying the sun. There are a lot of our folk here. Still everybody is staring at my wife’s tits although they try to hide it. I don’t care because I’m so used to it: they are fucking photo-bombers!
Viktor watches some cartoons from his phone. I call my boss when Nadja is spreading sun-cream to her sweet ass. When one is in garbage industry one cannot escape business even while on holiday. Some Chechen entrepreneur has been causing trouble but boss says he has things now under control. A couple of low-level players have been taken out of the picture and negotiations with the executives will be dealt midnight tonight. At least we will have an alibi if somebody gets interested, and between the lines I understand that this was boss’s intention all the time. He is such a clever bastard.
Still looking at her mobile phone Nadja says I should not bother myself with work. She is of course right. I blow Viktor’s huge beach toy full of air and we go swimming. A fat German with a fat wife and two fat kids play at the sand. The bald loser cannot take his eyes out of my wife’s battlements and his ugly wife stares at Nadja with her mouth open.
We dip to the sea that must be almost 40 degrees warm. Enjoy and play with the whole family. I squeeze Nadja’s ass under the water and take her tit to my hand. Even though I can almost wrap my fingers around her slender hip my hands are tiny compared to her tits. Nadja giggles and gropes my dick. Viktor fetches swimming glasses so that he can dive. Oh this life!
Our clothes are still dripping when we enter the lunch restaurant. Some maid by the entrance says something we don’t understand. Another Arab starts to speak some bullshit and Nadja says I should probably put my shirt on. Air-condition inside is so freezing that I will have to do it anyway. We take several plates full of sausages, different kinds of meats and cuts, rice and sausages. Nadja fills one plate with her salad stuff and gets plates full of cake and water melon for Viktor. Then she notices the seafood section and returns with a plate full of shrimps and another full of crab. Our table is so full of food that we have hardly any space to eat. Vlad and Alex with their wives and kids join us and soon we have a small party. A waiter asks what we’d like to drink, so we order beers for the adults and colas for the kids and something more for the adults. The poor guy pretends he does not understand but when Alex throws a hundred dollar bill to his feet, he catches up and returns with a bottle of vodka and a stupid smile. I think Alex overdid it a little. A twenty dollar bill would have been more than enough.
We sit and drink with the guys until some Arab in a suit comes and says that they should start to prepare the restaurant for dinner. We are so impressed that he speaks Russian that we decide to take our party to the pool where the women and children have already gone two hours ago. We wake up Alex who has been sleeping under the table and move by the pool to play some cards. Vlad notices from a hotel brochure that right next to us there is a cigar bar where we could play pool. We go there and the place is empty except for one waiter so we order beers and vodkas by pointing the bottles. Alex falls asleep again. We try to play some pool but nothing comes out of it. Vlad cannot hit the ball and I cannot stop laughing. We sit and drink some more.
I don’t remember what happens next but I wake up at the beach. Viktor and Nadja are next to me, sitting and staring at their phones. I guess I didn’t screw up or anything because Nadja smiles at me. The sun seems to be already setting. My mouth is dry so I ask Nadja to get us some drinks. She gets up and returns with some colorful cocktails. Viktor get s a similar, nonalcoholic drink and he seems so happy when we make a toast.
I believe that family is the best. Without it I would be nothing. We sit and watch the sunset hand in hand. Me in the middle and Nadja on my left side and Viktor on my right. Nadja tells me that Vlad made a shit in the Jacuzzi so he and Sheri went to their room to change their clothes. As soon as the sun has disappeared to the horizon we also go to room. Nadja tells me that she has booked a table at an a la carte restaurant for the wives and the kids so that we guys can fool around by ourselves. Nadja is so considerate. She blows me in the shower while Viktor watches TV. That’s the kind of a wife she is. Taking care of me and my kid and my pals.
Me and the boys storm the buffet but we lose our patience when a waiter refuses to bring us a second bottle of vodka despite the tips we have thrown at her. We finish our meat platters and go to the lobby bar where we have a couple of Jägers. After that we go to the cigar bar but there is some big Arab guy at the door. He says in Russian that we are too drunk to enter so Alex breaks his jaw and we move to the pool table. A nervous-looking waiter brings us beers and vodkas but refuses to bring a bottle. I throw the sand-nigger a fifty Euro bill and a vodka bottle materializes before us. Soon we find out how boring playing billiards is and we sit and watch a satellite ice-hockey game between Dinamo and Spartak. That is a big mistake, because Vlad supports Dinamo and me and Alex Spartak.
I wake up my cheek on the pool tiling and my jaw sore. I notice something red in the pool water. I turn around and see Vlad crawling in a bush. He says he is looking for his tooth. He never learns. He has no chance against us two. Alex stands above him on a platform and pees on him.
A couple a minutes later we sit again at the cigar bar and the local muscle is getting out from the pool a couple of teeth short. We laugh at our adventures in our first day and swear our friendship will last forever. Friends are as important as families are. Without these two things we are nothing. And I am certain that after a week of this we will all agree that for our next holiday we will take our girlfriends instead of our wives.